I had the most beautiful experience last night as I lit a candle in remembrance of my Grandma Candy. I’m not pagan, but I thought their celebration of Samhain is a really beautiful concept. So I decided to light candles and reflect on my dead loved and the things I’m thankful for, and what I wish for this next year in my life. Someday, I’d love to experience a real Samhain ritual.

My list of loved ones was fairly short, since I’m fairly young and blessed to have most of my family and friends still in this world with me. I had 5 set aside for my aunt, my grandmother and grandfather (both of whom I hadn’t known well), my best friend’s mother, and my Grandma Candy. I had 4 lit, and was about to light the 5th candle, when my mind blanked and I couldn’t remember who I was lighting this for. It sprang into my mind “Grandma Candy.” I felt a little embarrassed and ashamed that I’d forgotten. But as I lit the candle, I got this super warm feeling, almost like a hug from the inside. I got this feeling that it didn’t matter that I had forgotten, but it was more important that I remembered and honored the memory. Between passing out candy, my mind wandered to memories of her and reflections of how much I loved going to visit her on Halloween as a kid. Her name isn’t really Grandma Candy, it’s Clara Patten (Eastman). We called her that because she always had heaps of candy for us whenever we’d visit. I also remembered how I loved playing with her stuffed animals. I still have a large Gumby doll of hers that I wouldn’t trade for anything. She was a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul.

Later that night, when I glanced over at the candle lit for her, I noticed the flame had grown to be at least 3 inches but it was mostly still and calm. I had the feeling that she was with me and felt a similar warm internal hug as I did before.

A couple moments later I looked at my phone and began digging into the 24 new texts from my mom and sisters. *Yes, I ignore my phone sometimes. They text a lot, and I was watching Harry Potter.* My sister had sent two pictures of the three of us in 1988 on Halloween at Grandma Candy’s.